Verizon: Hilarity Ensues

8 days of no dial tone so far.

I love the phrase “hilarity ensues,” but I don’t use it often because it is a phrase usually used for describing wacky movie plots or stories, which I don’t do much. For example, in Some Like it Hot, two male musicians fleeing the Chicago mob dress as women to land an out-of-town gig, and meet Marilyn Monroe. Hilarity ensues. It’s not really a phrase you want to apply to your life, generally.

Yesterday I got a letter from Verizon in a UPS express envelope. Here it is (bold type as in the original):

Dear Valued Customer,

We would like to talk to you about the pending order to disconnect your Verizon service. What can we do to retain your business so you continue to enjoy a network with 99.9% reliability? Your business is important to us and we want you to avoid the hassle of switching companies.

We are constantly creating new discounted competitive bundles to meet your broadband and entertainment needs. So please call us today to learn more about what we are willing to do to keep you as our customer. We have great rates and special discounts.

To ensure that your Verizon service is not interrupted, it is important that you call us today. Please call us at 888-706-7544 between 8AM and 6PM EST Monday through Friday to speak with a Verizon representative.

Thank you for allowing us to serve your voice, broadband and entertainment needs.


Phil Brown
Vice President, Sales and Marketing

99.9% reliability? I guess that means we’re part of the 0.01% of customers who don’t get the reliable service. OK, I’ll buy that, they’ve got a lot of customers and somebody has to be the 0.01%. But the best sentence is the one about ensuring that our Verizon service is not interrupted! We still haven’t heard back from them on our repair ticket, and we still have no land line service. It’s been over a week, now. I was hoping to hear from them on Monday, since the repair guy we saw on Sunday said he’d have to talk to his manager or whoever on Monday. I guess being a voice, broadband, and entertainment provider doesn’t necessarily imply communication.

I was able to figure out how to blog from school—normally our school internet filter blocks “personal and social networking” web sites, but if I go in through the login page I can get into WordPress. I can also check my Speakeasy e-mail from school. But I can’t respond to the Facebook friend-requests. Either I’ve got to mooch internet off friends for that or pay T-mobile another $10 at a hotspot. I think I will just wait for Saturday, since I am busy this week in the evenings and wouldn’t have much time for internet anyway. RCN is supposed to hook us up Saturday morning.

By the way, once RCN hooks us up, we’ll have our same old phone number. But if you are a Verizon customer, you won’t be able to call us on your Verizon line for about another week, and in the meanwhile you’ll get a message saying the number has been disconnected. If you have any other phone service, you should be able to reach us. Hilarity, yes. Reasonable explanations, no, I haven’t gotten any of those to pass along to you.

Oh, yes, I did still call Verizon’s number from the letter above. It’s amazing how fast you get passed from operator to supervisor when the reason you’re dropping their service is the fact that you are completely without service! In fact, our impending switch to RCN may get us a dial tone today. I am not holding my breath. I have no confidence in these people. The last supervisor I talked to said he would try to get the ticket escalated to today, and as far as I can tell someone showing up in a Verizon truck is no guarantee that someone will actually do something in terms of repair…I mean, we’ve had trucks come twice with no repairs happening, so why should I expect it?

Oh well, back to work. I need to finish up some grading and do some cleanup in my classroom. I really shouldn’t be blogging at school!

2 Responses to “Verizon: Hilarity Ensues”

  1. Joanna Says:

    Good luck with your phone lines. I’ve had a lot of Verizon phone hell, including no dial tone after they installed my phone jacks. In my case they did come over the weekend and repair the downed wire…

    Are they transfering calls to your cell phone at least?

  2. Greg Says:

    Use more phrases like “hilarity ensues” in blog titles. It generates great “possibly related posts”.

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